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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25385746">This Love: Voyager, 2381</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WishfulThinker87/pseuds/WishfulThinker87'>WishfulThinker87</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Lost &amp; Found: A Voyager Relaunch Novel Trilogy [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Voyager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Book: Full Circle - Kirsten Beyer, Book: The Eternal Tide - Kirsten Beyer, Canon - Book, F/M, Relaunch Fic, Reunion Sex, sex with feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:48:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,911</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25385746</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WishfulThinker87/pseuds/WishfulThinker87</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at what Janeway and Chakotay got up to during the first week or so after they were back together. Events surround that delicious epilogue scene at the end of The Eternal Tide.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Lost &amp; Found: A Voyager Relaunch Novel Trilogy [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1609156</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>76</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Voyager Relaunch Fic</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Once again, Kirsten Beyer has done the heavy lifting and I’ve had the fun by trying to give these two some much deserved joy amongst the angst at the end of The Eternal Tide and the beginning of Protectors.</p><p>This addition can be read independently of the first two stories in this series. Spoilers herein for all novels up to and including The Eternal Tide but no spoilers for Protectors.</p><p>No copyright infringement of any kind intended.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>=/\=</p><p>
<i>This love is good, this love is bad,</i><br/>
<i>This love is alive, back from the dead,</i><br/>
<i>These hands had to let it go free and,</i><br/>
<i>This love came back to me.</i>
</p><p>
<i>This love left a permanent mark,</i><br/>
<i>This love is glowing in the dark,</i><br/>
<i>These hands had to let it go free and,</i><br/>
<i>This love came back to me.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>This Love by Taylor Swift</i>
</p><p>=/\=</p><p>I can’t entirely remember how Chakotay and I ended up here, crying in each other’s arms at the foot of his bed.</p><p>I recall a desperate, almost frantic storm of kisses, touches and shed clothing the moment we entered his quarters, but most of the details are lost amongst the sheer volume of overwhelming thoughts and feelings which continue to course through me.</p><p>This is the day <i>he</i> was returned to <i>me</i>, not a few hours earlier.</p><p>I remember us standing in Chakotay’s living quarters, both clad only in our underwear, our hands roaming freely about each other’s exposed skin as we kissed and kissed. I remember him reaching down to capture my thighs and lifting me easily off the ground, his lips never leaving mine. I remember my legs immediately winding tightly around his waist and my arms clutching his shoulders as he carried me into the bedroom.</p><p>He set me down at the foot of his bed and knelt between my open thighs. We were breathless, clamouring for air. And at that moment, as we pulled away gasping, everything except the sight of him before me slipped away.</p><p>He sat back on his heels and stared at me and I saw every bit of his pain as his eyes searched mine and filled with tears. I saw how deeply my death had affected him and my heart lurched in my chest. That my choices, however well intended, did this to him is something I’ll never forgive myself for.</p><p>At the first fall of his tears I reached out to brush them away and immediately felt the burn of my own building behind my eyes. Then I heard the hitch in my breathing as I was powerless to stop them spilling down over my cheeks.</p><p>“Kathryn,” he breathed as he rose back up and gathered me against him.</p><p>I clung to him with every fibre of my being and cried into his shoulder as he cried into mine, our tears soaking each other’s flesh.</p><p>And here we are.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” I sob. “I’m so sorry for leaving you.”</p><p>“It’s okay, we’re here now. That’s all that matters.”</p><p>His words soothe us both and I pull back just enough to look at him but don’t let his body out of my grasp.</p><p>“I love you so much Chakotay.”</p><p>“I know, I love you too.”</p><p>He looks deep into my eyes as he cups my face and wipes my cheeks dry. The way he looks at me. The way he’s always looked at me. Full of complete, unguarded adoration. I should have known that even my death couldn’t change that. He still wants me. And I want him. Maybe more than ever before.</p><p>My hands settle on his hips and I use them as an anchor, pulling myself closer to the edge of the bed, closer to him. My gaze drops briefly to his lips and then back up to his eyes as I let out a shaky breath. Chakotay’s thumbs move to graze my lower lip and my pulse quickens. He leans into me and places the most tender of kisses to my lips. I sigh contentedly and my body sags as I relax and melt into him.</p><p>His kisses are gentle but thorough and I feel him pouring every ounce of his soul into them as his hands move into my hair. This is nothing like the feverish kissing we shared a few moments ago and there’s no question now that our reunion will be slow, deliberate and utterly devastating.</p><p>My hands leave his hips to travel slowly up his torso. I flatten my palms against his abdomen and I linger there for a moment, enjoying the feel of his warm, smooth skin. Then I push higher until I reach his chest where I curl my fingers and let my nails play over his pectorals.</p><p>Chakotay hums against my mouth, then I feel his smile dawn and break our kiss. I open my eyes to find his and I can’t help but smile right back at him.</p><p>His smile. His gorgeous smile. The one which reaches his eyes and shows off his dimples. The one he seems to save just for me. I’d almost forgotten how radiant it is in the flesh.</p><p>As Chakotay leans back in to kiss me his hands leave my hair to travel down my back. He takes his time, trailing his fingers around my shoulder blades. His touch is feather-light and my body is hypersensitive and despite how hot I feel, I’m aware of the goosebumps rising in his wake.</p><p>He reaches my lower back and his fingers slide just inside the fabric of my panties. I moan into his mouth and raise my arms up around his shoulders as I arch into him, clutching my legs tighter around his waist and feeling the satisfying bulge of his erection building between my legs.</p><p>He slides his fingers back out and brings his hands to settle either side of my waist, his thumbs skirting delicately over my ribs. He lingers there only a moment before moving to my back to play with the clasp of my bra.</p><p>He keeps kissing me and butterflies rise in my stomach in anticipation as he finally releases the hooks. The straps fall loose around my shoulders and Chakotay pulls back and watches intently as my bra slowly falls away.</p><p>“Still so beautiful Kathryn,” he whispers as he moves back in to reclaim my lips.</p><p>Chakotay’s hands are gentle but assured as they begin to palm my breasts indulgently. He kneads them with perfect pressure, lazily capturing and stroking my nipples whenever they fall into the crevice between his thumb and forefinger.</p><p>My mouth breaks from his and a low moan escapes my throat as my head drops back, pushing my chest further into his attentive hands. My breaths are ragged and needy as I clamour for his touch but still Chakotay takes his time.</p><p>He nuzzles down and round my exposed neck to suckle on that spot right behind my ear and I whimper at the contact. His hands drop from my breasts to land on the tops on my thighs as he begins to slowly trace the length of my legs as they lie wrapped around him.</p><p>He releases my skin from his lips to nestle his face further into my hair, breathing in deeply and sighing my name as he exhales. He cradles my body in his arms and caresses my back. It’s like he’s mapping me all over again, reminding himself of how we fit together.</p><p>My fingers find the waistband of his underwear and I loosen my legs just enough to allow my hands beneath the fabric. Chakotay gasps as I reach round to squeeze his backside and pull him closer still, feeling him swell against me.</p><p>I tug at the elastic around his waist, drawing it slowly over his hips, his buttocks, his thighs, as far down as I can reach.</p><p>Chakotay groans at the freedom I’ve granted him, his breath hot against my ear.</p><p>“Sit back,” he rasps.</p><p>I keep my legs wrapped around him, finding his eyes and holding his gaze as I reach out behind me and slide my hands back against the bedsheets, slowly levering my body away from him. The way he looks at me in this moment, like I’m the only thing that’s ever mattered to him. My breath quivers under his silent scrutiny.</p><p>He keeps looking at me as he begins to trace the waistband of my panties with his fingertips and my chest starts to heave as my breaths become deeper. He hooks his fingers inside and I instantly lift my hips off the bed, eager to be free of all that remains between us.</p><p>He pulls my panties down over my hips to the tops of my thighs and holds them steady as I slowly wriggle further up the bed. The fabric slides down my legs along with Chakotay’s fingers and that sensation coupled with his darkened eyes on me as I move is one of the most erotic things I’ve ever experienced.</p><p>I’m suddenly extremely aware of the intense heat and excessive dampness between my legs in the cool air of his quarters. Even during our first time together I’m not sure I was <i>this</i> turned on. There was so much newness that night and so many years of pent up release to find in little over a few precious hours. Now we might finally have time to fully explore what we can be and that possibility excites me in a way I’d almost forgotten, almost left behind in our first journey to this godforsaken quadrant. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let it take it away from me this time.</p><p>Once I’m finally free of my panties Chakotay rids himself of his underwear, crawls up onto the bed and between my legs as they fall open before him. He settles over me and my skin is on fire everywhere we touch. It feels so good. <i>He</i> feels so good. So right. He always did.</p><p>“I’ve missed you Kathryn,” he whispers as he looks into my eyes. “If you only knew how much.”</p><p>His words disarm me and my eyes mist over as the force of everything we’ve gone through hits me all over again.</p><p>“I’ve missed you too Chakotay. I can’t believe we almost lost this.”</p><p>I cup his handsome face as he looks down at me and unbidden, stray tears escape my eyes.</p><p>“Damnit,” I curse. “I promise not to cry <i>every</i> time we make love.”</p><p>His smile is soft and loving.</p><p>“It's a good thing you cry pretty,” he teases and I manage a smile in return. “But even if you didn’t, I’d still make love to you right now. I’ll always want to make love to you.”</p><p>How does he do that? How does he always know exactly what to say to soothe me, make my heart flutter and avow his undying devotion all at once?</p><p>“So much lost time Kathryn,” he adds wistfully.</p><p>“I love you,” I profess, having lost count of just how many times I’ve told him today but feeling as though I can never tell him enough, as though I have over a decade of declarations to make up for.</p><p>“I love <i>you</i>,” he echoes before leaning down to kiss me again.</p><p>His lips are tender and calming and before long my tears subside completely and I open my mouth under his questing tongue. He sweeps against me hungrily and I feel the low moan that reverberates in his chest as I respond all too willingly.</p><p>We kiss until we’re fighting for air and Chakotay pulls back to rest his forehead against mine, our noses nuzzled together as we wrestle back control of our breathing. I feel dizzy with both excitement and lack of oxygen, completely intoxicated by the man in my arms.</p><p>Chakotay shifts to align our bodies and leans in to kiss me sweetly, lingering there as he nudges at my entrance before slowly pushing inside me.</p><p>My lips break from his as my mouth falls open on a breathy whimper. He feels impossibly big between my legs and there’s an unmistakable intensity about our joining, even more so than our first time. Given the losses we’ve suffered of each other, what we’re sharing in this moment seems incredibly profound.</p><p>Chakotay is so unbelievably gentle with me. Of course he is. His head drops to the crook of my neck and I cradle it there, panting endlessly into his ear as he pushes further and further inside.</p><p>I feel him surround me as I surround him and once he’s filled me completely he holds himself there. My breathing begins to settle but still his head lingers at my neck, his lips grazing my sensitive skin, and I can sense the significance of this moment for him too.</p><p>He finally pulls back to look at me.</p><p>“My peace,” he whispers.</p><p>I reach up to trace the tattoo on his forehead with my fingertips as Chakotay looks down at me with soft eyes. He turns his head into my touch and peppers my palm with kisses. I close my eyes at the sensation and smile to myself.</p><p>Before I can open my eyes again, Chakotay moves closer and brushes his lips with mine.</p><p>“Okay?” he asks and all I can manage is to nod my head and hum in anticipation.</p><p>He starts to move and I feel the initial stretch as my body remembers how to accommodate him but I’m soon swept away by the slow, steady rocking of his hips and the way he reaches every single pleasure point inside of me.</p><p>I suck my bottom lip into my mouth and arch my back, tilting my hips and generating even more friction between us.</p><p>Chakotay growls softly, intensely in my ear and I feel the heat and perspiration of his brow against my neck. Concentration and restraint radiates from him and I feel another wave of arousal rush through me at the care he’s taking with us.</p><p>Our rhythm builds, still slow but all consuming. We savour every minute movement, every touch, every uttered syllable.</p><p>I hear Chakotay’s stuttered breathing and my soft moans filling the room around us. We are perfectly in sync, even the noises we make compliment each other.</p><p>My moans grow louder as my orgasm builds and Chakotay must sense the change in me as he pulls his head from my neck. I open my eyes and he finds them briefly before leaning down to kiss me, not letting his rhythm falter even for a moment.</p><p>My hands drift above my head of their own volition and Chakotay chases them with his, sliding his fingers in between mine. That gesture is all it takes to push me over the edge and our connection there is the only thing grounding me as I begin to shatter around him.</p><p>My fingers close tightly around his and I grasp at his hands as my orgasm wracks through me. My heart hammers in my chest as every muscle in my body trembles, tenses and trembles again.</p><p>I feel Chakotay’s simultaneous release deep inside me and hear our mingled cries replace the softer sounds we were making just moments before.</p><p>Our bodies continue to brush delicately against each other until there’s nothing left to give and we kiss languidly, completely, murmuring words of love and devotion on every available breath.</p><p>Chakotay’s arms start to quiver from over-exertion and he manages to shift over to one side before collapsing against the mattress next to me. He lies on his stomach with his arm draped over me and his eyes drift closed. I comb my fingers through his hair and a smile ghosts his lips even as I’m sure he’s falling asleep.</p><p>We still have so much to talk about but right now we’re both exhausted and undeniably sated, and sleep feels somewhat inevitable.</p><p>Chakotay’s arm begins to feel heavy across my stomach and I attempt to shuffle away without disturbing him but it’s to no avail. He rouses and immediately protests my movement.</p><p>“Don’t you dare,” he mumbles, his voice gruff, his eyes still closed.</p><p>Chakotay’s arm tightens around me and I let out a husky chuckle as he rolls onto his side and pulls me back against him. I sigh in contentment as he envelopes me in his arms and we settle comfortably against each other.</p><p>As the weight slowly disappears from my body and I float into the abyss I say a silent prayer of thanks to my godson. This is the most relaxed I’ve felt since Proxima and I realise I’m finally home in every way possible.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>With the exception of our incredible first night back together, sleep has largely eluded me. Despite my best efforts I remain tormented by thoughts of waking up without Kathryn by my side, to realise that it was all just some blissful dream and that she’s actually still lost to me after all. The part of me that never truly got over her death is breaking to the surface and wanting to pull her closer than ever before. So, for the moment at least, I stay awake and stand guard, content to hold her tight to me as she sleeps.</p><p>Tonight we lie spooned together with our legs tangled beneath the sheets and my right arm draped protectively over her as she cradles our entwined fingers to her chest. Her frame is small and I easily encompass her in my embrace. The full length of her petite back against my torso and the softness of her thighs as they lay curled up in front of mine is heavenly. The warmth of her skin seeps into me everywhere we touch and think how much I love that we’re only ever naked in bed together. After all the years of physical barriers between us it feels wonderful to spend so much time being this close, this connected.</p><p>Kathryn stirs in her sleep and I see her brow furrow slightly. She makes a quiet noise of discontent before snuggling back against me, hugging our hands tighter to her. I kiss her hair and soothe her with gentle hushes, fearing what I’m sure is about to come.</p><p>She settles again only for a moment before drawing in and out several shaky breaths and shivering against me. She whimpers and I see the deep lines of anguish across her face as I push up off the bed to look down at her, knowing already that she won’t be spared tonight and that my strength beside her won’t be enough to keep the demons away.</p><p>Without the support of my body against her, Kathryn rolls onto her back and begins to toss her head from side to side as her whimpers descend into cries. Tears burst from beneath her closed eyelids and spill onto her cheeks and I reach down to cup her face, willing her to calm.</p><p>“Kathryn,” I whisper, bending lower. “Kathryn, wake up. I’m here with you and you’re okay. Wake up and come back to me.”</p><p>Her body thrashes on the bed and her tears flow fresh as her head shakes free of my hand’s caress. I want more than anything to be able to take this pain away from her, spirits know she’s suffered enough.</p><p>My hand resettles against her stomach and I apply gentle pressure, calling her name again, louder this time, in another futile attempt to ground her.</p><p>She cries out once more and then her eyes fly open wide as she gasps a breath. She holds it in, as if in shock, her eyes disoriented and searching my face. I see recognition and a softening in her expression the moment before she exhales and launches herself up and into my arms. She clings to me as if her life depended on it and sobs profusely into my neck.</p><p>“Chakotay. Oh Chakotay,” she pants as I cradle her head to me.</p><p>“I’ve got you. I’m right here,” I soothe.</p><p>I hear her cries begin to fade.</p><p>“One breath, one moment...” I begin.</p><p>“One day at a time,” she finishes through laboured breaths.</p><p>“That’s right.” I kiss her hair.</p><p>“I love you, you know that?” As if she could ever doubt it.</p><p>I feel her nod against my neck and her taut muscles start to relax.</p><p>“I love you too,” she whispers in my ear and I nuzzle her hair again.</p><p>My hands run up and down her bare back until her breathing evens out and I feel her temperature begin to subside.</p><p>I lie us back down on the bed and pull the covers back up around us as Kathryn settles against me. She rests her head on my chest and I kiss her forehead as I re-entwine our fingers.</p><p>“Tell me what happened this time.”</p><p>She speaks of Borg cubes, assimilation, death and destruction and I feel a physical ache in my chest at the distress in her voice. The woman in my arms is selfless and brave and deserves not even a moment of this relentless torment. All I can do is listen and hold her for as long as it takes until she calms enough to find sleep once more.</p><p>I hold vigil until sleep inevitably claims me, if only for a short while before morning.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>These damn nightmares really are starting to take their toll. Apart from permanent exhaustion from disturbed sleep every night, the dark circles that used to plague my eyes in the later years of being Voyager’s Captain have made an unwelcome reappearance and, if this bathroom mirror I stand before can be believed, they seem to be getting darker every day.</p>
<p>I bring my fingers up to trace the lines under my eyes, wondering if I should try and cover them up before Chakotay arrives back from his duty shift. The last thing he needs is more worry, though I suppose he’s seen me far worse that this.</p>
<p>Chakotay.</p>
<p>He really has been so patient with me, as he always was. I can’t imagine sleep deprivation is doing him much good either but he’s never once complained. I’ve reluctantly started meeting with Counsellor Cambridge at his request. Time will tell how that plays out but Chakotay speaks highly of him and I feel it’s the least I can do given everything he’s putting up with from me. </p>
<p>I’m certainly not complaining about our physical proximity and Chakotay is obviously enjoying it too. When we’re not on duty or deep in conversation we’re having the most incredible sex. We can’t get enough of each other, which isn’t really surprising given all the time we’ve missed, though I suspect even if I’d given in sooner it would still be this way between us.</p>
<p>Our relationship is the one thing that’s putting me at ease right now. Amongst the storm of emotional purgatory I find myself in he’s my constant and the one thing I’m sure of. I just wish everything else would settle around that but I fear it will take some time. Right now I just want to enjoy our time together, to feel his healing touch and forget about the rest of it until morning at least.</p>
<p>Chakotay’s ears must have been burning. I register the sound of the doors to his quarters opening followed by a familiar baritone rumbling through from the living area.</p>
<p>“Kathryn?” he calls and I smile.</p>
<p>“In here,” I call back, sure that my happiness at his arrival is radiating from my voice.</p>
<p>I hear his footsteps get closer and become aware of movement in my peripheral vision as Chakotay enters the room. I turn my head to look over at him and I see the heat in his eyes, suddenly remembering that I’m standing here in just my uniform pants and bra.</p>
<p>“Hey.” My voice comes out thicker than I expected.</p>
<p>“Hey yourself.” His tone is low as his eyes sweep over me and I chuckle.</p>
<p>“I had planned on taking a shower earlier but got distracted,” I explain.</p>
<p>“Mmm, yes, you’re very distracting,” he purrs as he stalks over and tucks in behind me. </p>
<p>He snakes his arms around my bare waist and gently nuzzles the side of my neck. I can’t help but sigh and close my eyes as I tilt my head to give him better access.</p>
<p>“How was your day?” I manage.</p>
<p>“Long, full of reports, you remember the drill.”</p>
<p>I shiver at the feel of his lips against my skin.</p>
<p>“I do.”</p>
<p>“How was your session with Hugh this afternoon?”</p>
<p>“Exhausting, but beneficial I think.”</p>
<p>“I can have good ideas sometimes you know?”</p>
<p>I let out a breathy laugh and open my eyes to catch Chakotay’s on me through the mirror. He keeps his lips at my neck but I can still make out the cheeky grin he’s trying to hide. I raise an eyebrow at him and gently shake my head.</p>
<p>“I remember that too, don’t worry,” I assure him.</p>
<p>“Good.”</p>
<p>Chakotay holds my gaze in the mirror but his brow starts to furrow in concern as he regards me properly, releasing my neck but not my waist.</p>
<p>“You sure you’re okay Kathryn?”</p>
<p>Of course he’s noticed the circles under my eyes. The light in the mirror isn’t very forgiving and he wouldn’t be used to seeing me in it.</p>
<p>“I’m just a little weary, I promise. Too many emotions all at once, too much to process and too many decisions to make.”</p>
<p>“You have the answers Kathryn, you just need to find them within yourself.”</p>
<p>“‘When in doubt, look here’, right?” I ask him as I incline my head towards the mirror.</p>
<p>He smiles in recognition.</p>
<p>“Exactly.”</p>
<p>One of my arms settles over his around me and the other finds its way to the nape of his neck. Chakotay’s arms tighten, pulling me closer as he searches for my mouth. I turn my head to him and part my lips in surrender as my eyes slip closed.</p>
<p>We kiss slowly, softly, thoroughly, only parting and resting our heads together once breathing becomes absolutely necessary.</p>
<p>“Well that was worth the wait,” he pants.</p>
<p>“Just like you were,” I admit.</p>
<p>He smiles and leans in to kiss me quickly one more time before pulling back to look at our reflection again. He ducks his head and starts fingering the waistband of my pants, clearly contemplating something.</p>
<p>“You know what I miss?” He asks, his voice rough in my ear.</p>
<p>“What’s that?”</p>
<p>“Those grey undershirts we used to wear, especially the tight, long-sleeved ones. You always looked sexy as hell in them even though they covered every scrap of skin.”</p>
<p>I still blush at the idea of Chakotay thinking of me that way back then and can’t hide it from him now.</p>
<p>“I’m sure the pattern must still be in the replicator,” I wager and Chakotay groans against my neck.</p>
<p>“Tell you what,” I propose, unable to mask my delight at his reaction. “You come take a shower with me now and then we’ll see what can be done about that undershirt situation.”</p>
<p>I feel the evidence of just how much he likes that idea growing against my lower back.</p>
<p>“Yes ma’am,” Chakotay rasps as he nips at my jawline.</p>
<p>“Given the situation I’ll let that one slide this time Captain,” I breathe, amazed at just how low and husky my voice comes out.</p>
<p>Our banter has always been easy but being able to follow through on it these days makes it that much more delicious.</p>
<p>“I’m going to take your clothes off now,” he growls.</p>
<p>“By all means,” is all I can manage before Chakotay turns me in his arms for a searing kiss.</p>
<p>We waste no time undressing each other and tangle together effortlessly as we step into the shower cubicle.</p>
<p>As the water washes over us and Chakotay lifts me into his arms, holds me against the wall and slowly pushes up between my legs I feel the tension of the day slip away.</p>
<p>This is the first time we’ve made love in the shower and I’m sure we’ll both ache in the morning but I can’t bring myself to care. Our mutual need for each other and the healing sex we’re having is palpable and in this moment nothing else matters.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kathryn loves morning sex. Sleepy, loving, tender but intense morning sex. There hasn’t been a day since we’ve been back together that hasn’t started with her writhing languidly underneath me and us coming together. And today was no exception.</p>
<p>Even as I slip out of bed to make the short walk to the bathroom I’m aware of the rustle of bedsheets behind me and I glance back over my shoulder as Kathryn stretches herself out across the bed, claiming it entirely her own in my absence. She pulls my pillow against her and snuggles into it, rolling fully over onto her stomach. Her legs are sprawled comfortably on either side and she hitches one knee up slightly higher towards my pillow, burrowing herself even further with a contented sigh. I smile at the sight and wonder to myself how someone so small can manage to take up so much space.</p>
<p>When I return from the bathroom Kathryn has drifted back off to sleep. Her features are soft, her breathing even and I’m soothed by seeing her so relaxed for once.</p>
<p>The sheets are around her waist and the creamy expanse of her slim back is beckoning me. I get lost in thoughts of trailing my tongue from the base of her spine to her neck and feeling her awaken under my touch. Of rolling her over and making love to her for the second time this morning and being rewarded by the sweet sound she makes when she orgasms this early in the day.</p>
<p>I have to physically drag myself away from the sight of her, lest I succumb to climbing back onto the bed, deciding instead to let her get the rest she needs.</p>
<p>I quietly replicate myself some tea and settle on the sofa. My gaze drifts out of the viewport as my thoughts dance around the whirlwind of the last several days.</p>
<p>Kathryn and I have finally been able to start fully exploring our romantic relationship. It’s everything I ever hoped it would be and nothing like anything I’ve ever experienced before. But then I’ve never been as irrevocably in love with someone as I am with Kathryn. How quickly that was torn away from me, how long it took me to deal with it, and how quickly it’s been returned. I can hardly fathom everything that’s happened over the past two years. The pain of Kathryn’s death is etched permanently in my heart but the wounds are soothed by her closeness now.</p>
<p>With each passing day we’re getting more and more comfortable with our physical relationship. We can’t get enough of each other and I’m savouring every moment. I love how compatible we are, how Kathryn responds to my every touch, just like the very first time we were together. We’re completely attuned to one another in a way I’ve never known.</p>
<p>I’d like to put my renewed affinity for sleep down to exhaustion from all the sex we’ve been having but in reality it’s because I’m finally accepting that Kathryn truly is back. I’m getting used to seeing her underwear in my quarters - our quarters really - and the lingering smell of her perfume hanging in the air. I allow myself to realise how much I’ve missed the way her hand feels in mine, especially when we make love, and the way I feel when I’m inside of her - something I thought I’d lost forever.</p>
<p>I’m all too aware, however, that this time in our lives together is precious and may well be brief. We’re still at the mercy of Starfleet after all, especially now Kathryn has decided to accept her reinstatement as Vice Admiral. It feels like we’re living in a pocket out of time and I intend to make the most of it whilst we’re here.</p>
<p>I bring my cup to my lips and realise my tea is almost cold. Just how long have I been sitting here? I glance at the chronometer and realise that time is rapidly escaping us this morning.</p>
<p>I rise from the sofa and make my way back over to the replicator. I order a mug of hot, black coffee and walk it into the bedroom. Kathryn is still sound asleep so I set the beverage down on her nightstand. I lean over the bed to gently brush her hair and the softest hum escapes her. I smile to myself before leaving the room again, collect my refreshed tea from the replicator and wander over to the table as I wait for the dark substance to do its job.</p>
<p>I don’t have to wait long.</p>
<p>A few minutes later I spy Kathryn emerging from the bedroom wearing a short silk robe, her hands cradling the coffee mug close to her chest. I drink in the sight of her - all legs and messy hair.</p>
<p>She smiles at me softly as she makes her way barefoot across the room.</p>
<p>“You brought me coffee in bed,” she cooes.</p>
<p>“I did,” I chuckle. “You looked so peaceful, I didn’t really want to wake you at all, but I thought perhaps that might be a gentle way to do it.”</p>
<p>Kathryn wanders over to me, her smile broadening at my words. She drapes herself across my lap and sets her mug down on the table.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she whispers as her lips descend onto mine.</p>
<p>Her hands drift up into my hair and my arms draw her closer, always and ever closer. My fingers play with the hem of her robe and I can tell by the way she kisses me that she’s ready for breakfast.</p>
<p>We continue to kiss however, all sense of urgency at the disappearing day forgotten and as our drinks begin to chill once more I silently delight in the fact she’s chosen me over her discarded coffee.</p>
<p>Yes, I really could get used to this.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Kathryn?”</p>
<p>I hear Chakotay’s whispering call through the haze of sleep, his warm breath moving my hair as he speaks.</p>
<p>“Kathryn?” He calls again more confidently, kissing the top of my head and gently stroking my arm. </p>
<p>I take in a deep breath and sigh as I release it, opening my eyes slowly and remembering where I am.</p>
<p>Chakotay and I had been reading our PADDs on the couch after dinner during a rare quiet evening. We’d moved over there together and Chakotay had slumped down first, his PADD in one hand, his free arm extended across the back of the seat creating the nook he already knows I love to snuggle into. I’d tucked myself back against him, my head settling into the cradle of his shoulder with my legs stretched out in front of me on the cushions as I read my PADD. Chakotay’s arm had cuddled around me and I guess I’d gotten a little too comfortable and drifted off a while ago.</p>
<p>I stretch out a little lazily and catch sight of Chakotay’s affectionate smile as I turn to look up at him.</p>
<p>“Bedtime?” He offers and I smile back sleepily.</p>
<p>“If you insist,” I practically purr.</p>
<p>Chakotay’s smile broadens and he leans down to kiss me. It’s sweet but lingering, like a promise.</p>
<p>I reluctantly move out of his embrace and scoot over on the couch as Chakotay gets up and holds his hand out to me. The gesture is so familiar to me now, so easy, and I take what’s offered without hesitation, rising from the sofa and gravitating to his side as we walk to the bedroom together.</p>
<p>We wash up in companionable silence and I leave Chakotay to finish up in the bathroom as I make my way back into the bedroom to undress and climb into bed.</p>
<p>I’ve already begun to doze off when he emerges a few minutes later but open my eyes when I sense his presence. He’s looking at me indulgently and I offer a lazy, crooked smile.</p>
<p>I’m comfortably tangled amongst the covers and Chakotay’s eyes rake over my body’s hidden silhouette as he makes his way to the foot of the bed. There’s unguarded heat in his eyes and when he begins to work his lower lip between his teeth I know exactly what he wants to do.</p>
<p>I immediately surrender to his thoughts, allowing my arms to drift either side of my head on the pillow, releasing my hold on the covers as he pulls them away from my body. The mattress dips as he crawls up onto the bed and I draw my legs up and apart for him as he settles his shoulders between my open knees and looks up into my eyes.</p>
<p>Chakotay loves making love to me like this and I can’t say I mind. He’s always so good with his mouth, his lips, his tongue and seems to get even more skillful every time we do this. He’s incredibly attentive and learns from every single response my body gives him. No one has ever done this the way he does. Even through the tiredness I feel the unmistakable flutter of arousal low in my tummy.</p>
<p>He holds my gaze as he slides his hands under my thighs and at the first touch of his lips to the inside of my knee my eyes slip closed.</p>
<p>In the absence of vision I’m even more aware of all the places Chakotay is touching me. He slowly trails kisses down the inside of my thigh as he strokes the skin on the outside and I whimper softly with need. I feel a sudden but delicious heat and swell building between my legs and I squirm gently against the mattress in tempered excitement.</p>
<p>Chakotay holds my legs steady as he moves closer to the apex of my thighs and when I feel his breath against my core my own starts to grow deeper. He moves his hands to hold my hips before planting a single kiss against me and a soft moan escapes my throat. He opens his mouth and at the first stroke of his tongue my eyes roll back and I see a whole different set of stars.</p>
<p>He teases me endlessly but in all the right ways, slowly working upwards and then back, pushing further and further each time but deliberately never quite reaching the spot I want him to. Not yet.</p>
<p>The heat between my legs becomes unbearable and when he finally touches my tiny bundle of nerves I cry out and my back arches off the bed, pushing my head deep into the pillow. My hands clutch at it, my fingers balling up the fabric as Chakotay works me relentlessly.</p>
<p>My hips want to rise off the bed but Chakotay’s grip is firm, keeping us in constant contact. He snakes his left arm across my abdomen to hold both hips as his right hand reaches up my body. He finds my breast and cups it gently, running his thumb over its hardened peak in perfect sync with the strokes of his tongue between my legs. The combination is perfect and my moans grow deeper.</p>
<p>Chakotay allows the slight rock of my hips as my orgasm inevitably approaches and I turn my head into the pillow, my moans echoing the rhythm I’ve been granted.</p>
<p>I release the pillow with my left hand to join Chakotay’s at my breast. After only a moment he brings both of our hands to the mattress and entwines our fingers together, just as my orgasm begins to take me.</p>
<p>I breathe his name as my legs tremble around his head and I feel his answering moan vibrate through me. He moves away from my nub and gentles me down as he loosens his grip against my hips, allowing their roll so I can ride out my climax.</p>
<p>Before I’ve calmed he moves back to touch me again and I flinch with oversensitivity. Chakotay retreats from that particular spot but not for long and soon a second orgasm takes me. Deeper now, my initial, more shallow release quenched by the first.</p>
<p>This time Chakotay doesn’t pull away afterwards and I reach my free hand down to rake through his hair as I call his name.</p>
<p>“Hey,” I pant and he finally looks up at me but doesn’t stop what he’s doing. “I’m not going to be any good to you if you keep going like that.”</p>
<p>He holds my gaze and I know he’s heard me but still he doesn’t stop, only refocusing his eyes between my legs and continuing his assault.</p>
<p>My head falls back against the pillow and I close my eyes again, feeling completely at his mercy and enjoying every moment.</p>
<p>As my third orgasm peaks I cry out one final time and then my whole body starts to tingle as I go limp. Chakotay finally pulls his head away from me to caress my thighs and I hum in contentment at the sensation, feeling completely weightless and sated as my breathing slows.</p>
<p>Chakotay peels his lips away from my skin to crawl up my body and settle on his side of the bed, propping his head up on one hand and smiling down at me as I lie boneless on my back, still blissfully paralysed by all the things he’s done to me.</p>
<p>“You know, you make the most sultry noises when you’re sleepy?” He tells me.</p>
<p>“I do?” I ask, feeling suddenly bashful.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah,” he asserts as his fingertips play over my stomach. “Extra husky… kinda restrained… quieter too...”</p>
<p>My brow furrows thoughtfully.</p>
<p>“Quieter?”</p>
<p>“Uh huh.” He smiles wider, his dimples making a welcomed appearance, seemingly genuinely surprised and delighted at my lack of self-awareness. “One of us needs to work on our volume control.”</p>
<p>“Well I hardly think I can be held entirely accountable for my volume,” I defend wearily despite my outrage. “I’m really that loud?”</p>
<p>Chakotay’s low chuckle of amusement resonates through the bed.</p>
<p>“Sometimes,” he admits. “You honestly didn’t realise?”</p>
<p>“Throes of passion and all that I suppose.”</p>
<p>“Well, I’ll take it as a compliment.”</p>
<p>“Please do! But you need to take some responsibility too mister.” I manage to raise a hand and prod his chest with my index finger.</p>
<p>“Noted. But for the record, it wasn’t a complaint.”</p>
<p>I smile up at him sleepily, regretfully.</p>
<p>“I really am no good to you now.”</p>
<p>“That’s okay, I know you’re tired. I just couldn’t resist,” he says, his smile turning cheeky.</p>
<p>“I’ll make it up to you in the morning, I promise. As much as I love this, I love it even more when we get there together.” And it’s the truth.</p>
<p>“Well I look forward to that,” he says as his head moves closer.</p>
<p>“Me too,” is all I manage before his lips descend onto mine.</p>
<p>We kiss sweetly, briefly, then I roll over onto my side and Chakotay snuggles up to spoon me as I curl up in his arms.</p>
<p>“Sleep well my love,” he wishes, and I know I will.</p>
<p>I can’t believe I ever doubted how Chakotay might still feel about me, that I was ever uncertain before being returned here. I make a silent vow to never doubt it again, even through the challenges we’re sure to face as a couple serving together within the same fleet. I know our love will endure, as it already has, and I can’t wait to see what our future holds.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I’m woken in the middle of the night by Kathryn’s delicate fingers playing over my chest. Lazy circles drawn by soft, warm fingertips rouse me gently from sleep as I slowly become aware of my surroundings.</p><p>I’m lying on my back, my left arm outstretched beside me, my shoulder covered by Kathryn’s long, fine hair as her head rests comfortably in the crook of my neck. I’m holding her to me, my arm snaked protectively around her delicate frame, my fingers ghosting her ribs. One of her legs is draped comfortably over mine, the bedclothes hang at our waists and in a tangled mess about our legs. I feel the slow, steady rhythm of her breath against my throat, the rise and fall of her chest against mine and calm washes over me.</p><p>We’d made love earlier this evening and fallen into a blissful sleep. I smile into the darkness of our quarters with my eyes still closed at both the memory and her presence beside me and turn to drop a kiss on the top of her head, lingering to breathe in the familiar scent of her hair.</p><p>Kathryn hums softly against my throat and raises her head, shifting slightly to look up at me. I catch the unmistakable glint of mischief in her eyes and realise she most certainly intended to wake me up with those long, elegant fingers.</p><p>She shifts again, still at my side but settling herself further over my chest as she leans in to kiss me.</p><p>She opens my mouth under hers and hovers there for a moment, looking into my eyes and holding my gaze as she gently brushes her lips against mine. The intense swell of arousal is building in me and I marvel, yet again, at how this woman affects me so.</p><p>My body responds and I become increasingly aware of my growing erection moving the sheets between us. And she hasn’t even kissed me yet.</p><p>Kathryn’s eyes flutter shut as she finally closes the distance between us and locks her lips with mine. Her kisses are sleepy yet hungry and her mouth is soft and pliant. She still tastes a little like coffee.</p><p>She hitches her leg up to slide further over me and when her thigh brushes my insistent penis she pauses and smiles against my lips.</p><p>“That didn’t take long,” she murmurs.</p><p>“Kathryn, you’ll always be my undoing.”</p><p>“Sorry about that.”</p><p>I feel her smile broaden and hear the delight in her voice.</p><p>“No you’re not,” I counter.</p><p>“Not even a little bit,” she concedes, all too quickly.</p><p>“Come here.”</p><p>She chuckles softly and my hands find her waist as she shifts on top of me, her hardened nipples dragging across my chest as she sweeps over to straddle my torso. Her hands are in my hair holding me to her as she continues to kiss me, her tongue delving into my mouth. I feel the heat and dampness of her core against the skin of my abdomen and I can’t help the groan that emanates from the back of my throat.</p><p>She breaks away from our kiss to sit up fully. Even in the dim light of our quarters I see the flush of arousal on her chest and the contours of her beautiful breasts. Her hair is perfectly mussed and she’s panting breathlessly, her mouth hanging open as she looks down at me through hooded eyes.</p><p>My hands drift from her waist to trace her ribs, my thumbs graze the undersides of her breasts. Her dusky peaks pucker further with every stroke and I feel the delicious pulse and swell between her legs intensify against my stomach.</p><p>She hikes a little higher, shifting to align herself and my tip just touches her centre. The noise she makes is so wanton and yet so chaste at the same time. So undeniably Kathryn.</p><p>I watch her face as she slowly sinks down onto me. Her eyes are closed, her brow knit in concentration and she bites down on her bottom lip as she tilts her head back ever so slightly and breathes my name. I’ll never tire of seeing her in moments like this.</p><p>I feel her surround me, inch by glorious inch. Inside she’s soft, and warm and so unbelievably wet.</p><p>My hands guide her buttocks as she finally finds her fill and sighs contentedly, lolling her head round to look down at me. Her eyes lock with mine and she braces her hands against my stomach as she pulls up, releasing me from her grip before capturing me all over again.</p><p>Her movements are graceful and hypnotic, like she’s dancing on top of me. I look into her eyes, the gentle sway of her breasts encroaching on my field of vision with every sashay.</p><p>I break from her gaze briefly to peek between our bodies, to see where we are joined, to see myself disappearing inside of her. Another wave of arousal rushes to my groin but I resist the urge to drive up into her. I want this to last for her and I want her to take her time with me.</p><p>She tilts her hips backwards, finding a new angle and opening herself up to me even further. Her hands slide up to my chest as she shifts her weight and a long, indulgent moan escapes the back of her throat.</p><p>I feel her inner muscles begin to flutter and I release one of her cheeks to bring my hand down between us. Her walls tighten around me the moment my fingers brush her swollen sex and Kathryn mewls her appreciation.</p><p>I stroke confidently through her soft folds, enjoying how her chest begins to heave above me and when I move up to find the tip of her clitoris the cry that escapes her lips is heavenly.</p><p>I keep the pressure there, the tip of my middle finger drawing slow, tight circles. Kathryn’s eyes slip shut and she arches her back indulgently as her head falls backwards. Her pace initially builds but then slows again as she begins to climax. She draws out her pleasure, milking me with long, deep strokes, clenching tighter and tighter with each rock of her hips.</p><p>Her thighs begin to tremble, her moans are desperate and breathy, and when her breathing catches I watch her face as she finds her release. I see the ecstasy take her and the blissful calm that follows. She’s magnificent, alive, and here with me.</p><p>She looks back down at me and her eyes refocus on mine. I reach up to cup her face and trace my thumb across her parted lips. Her hot breath lingers against the pad before she touches her tongue to it briefly and closes her lips in a kiss. She suckles gently before releasing it and a soft smile graces her face as she sighs and closes her eyes once more.</p><p>I rise up and gather her against me as I roll us over. Kathryn clings to my shoulders and her legs are strong around my waist, keeping us together. As we drop back down her auburn hair fans out on the pillow beneath her, the post-coital flush still present on her chest. She’s beautiful, always so beautiful, and I want to lose myself in her forever.</p><p>I’m already lost, of course.</p><p>We shift until we’re comfortable and Kathryn pulls her legs higher around my waist, allowing me space to spread my own legs out wide beneath her for leverage. She gives me a wicked smile, pulls her bottom lip between her teeth again and I’m done for.</p><p>I pull out slightly, wait a beat and then bury myself completely inside of her. Our mingled moans echo through the room and there’s no doubt Kathryn is enjoying herself as much as I am.</p><p>I withdraw almost entirely and then push into her again with renewed purpose, feeling the stretch of her body as she takes me in. I repeat my indulgent, deep strokes, over and over, until I can barely form coherent thought, until all there is, is her, and us.</p><p>My orgasm builds sooner than I’d like and my movements become more shallow and erratic. The pressure and friction between our bodies is glorious and I realise if I can maintain my rhythm Kathryn will come again, with me. Which is the only way I want this to end.</p><p>My head falls to the crook of her neck and she clutches the base of my skull and whimpers endlessly into my ear. I pulse into her a few more times and feel the hot rush of my release inside of her as she clenches around me.</p><p>We move together languidly for a while, riding every single aftershock, not missing a moment, until I can’t hold myself up any longer and collapse on my side, pulling Kathryn with me. Her thigh perches on my hip and I’m still inside her as I finally begin to soften.</p><p>Her hand comes up to my face and her fingers trace my hairline.</p><p>“I think we’re getting pretty good at this, don’t you?” She asks with a drowsy smile.</p><p>“Hmm, I think there’s still some room for improvement,” I lie.</p><p>A breathy laugh escapes her and Kathryn smacks lightly against my chest.</p><p>“You’re insatiable!”</p><p>“I’m pretty sure <i>you’re</i> the one who woke <i>me</i> up.”</p><p>Kathryn rolls her eyes and tuts.</p><p>“Details,” she sighs, and I chuckle.</p><p>My face settles into a smile and Kathryn looks wistfully into my eyes. She smiles back and cups my face before leaning in to kiss me softly.</p><p>“I love you Chakotay,” she whispers.</p><p>It feels like I’ve waited a lifetime for those words to fall so freely from her lips and every time I hear them it’s a gift.</p><p>“I love you too.”</p><p>We linger there a moment before she pulls us apart and I feel the loss of her instantly. She settles back into my side and we entangle our limbs together again.</p><p>Kathryn falls first and as sleep threatens to reclaim me too, my final thought is how grateful I am that the love of my life is once again, and quite inexplicably, sleeping in my arms, in our bed, exactly where she belongs.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I’ve probably poured over this more than anything else I’ve posted to date. I thought lockdown would focus my mind but I think it actually made it more frayed. Hopefully I’ve atoned for how I left A Song That We Wrote. These two deserve so much joy &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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